Read our Press Release!
The Center for Responsible Lending (CRL) today proudly introduced a direct competitor to payday loans -- the short-term, small denomination loans Americans have been successfully using for nearly twenty years. The product, to be called "The Rumpelstiltskin Loan" allows consumers to borrow up to $1,000 for a period of two weeks, with interest rates at a fixed 36% APR. The product's pilot program will roll out in Ohio this month.
Rolland Finger, the CEO of the new entity, characterized the product as, "The first loan ever that people will want to pay back on time, every time. By taking each borrower's first born as collateral, we feel most consumers should have a real incentive to show up on the due date".
Borrowers who fail to repay principal and interest by the due date will forfeit their collateral, which will subsequently be put up for sale. Bill Faith, Executive Director of the Coalition on Homelessness and Housing in Ohio (COOHIO) and the newly-appointed Chief Operations Officer of the venture, will personally oversee the handling of all collateral, saying, "My background with the homeless makes me uniquely qualified to seeing to all the needs of the disadvantageous."
Mr. Finger also announced a forthcoming option for those consumers who lack children but still require a Rumpelstiltskin Loan. "We've contacted several local orphanages who, in these difficult economic times, are going to permit their charges to be leased out for a small fee to borrowers. In the event of default, the orphanage actually benefits by having one less mouth to feed."
Until now, payday lenders had repeatedly challenged the CRL to come up with an alternative lending product, and let consumers make their own choices regarding the best credit product. The CRL never answered that challenge. Instead, they attempted to legislate payday lenders out of business, despite their enormous popularity and 92% satisfaction rate. "Now," says Mr. Finger, "all that has changed."
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I hate to admit it," said Finger, "but payday lenders were right. The free market had the solution all along. With rock-solid collateral behind every loan, we can now undercut every other lender in town."
During a press conference to announce the product, Mr. Finger was challenged on the legality of holding an underage human being as collateral for a loan. His reply came in the form of Ohio Rep. Matt Lundy (D - Elyria, who subsequently announced HB209A, the Freedom of Human Trafficking Act.
"I realized that placing price caps on a business like payday lending, then telling that business to find a way to operate under those controls, was insane. It's like telling a candy company that they can't charge more than 5 cents for Marshmallow Peeps and they'll just have to find a way to kill those birds and bunnies and coat them with sugar in a less expensive way", Rep. Lundy said. "When Mr. Finger and Mr. Faith brought their concept to me, it was a no-brainer for me to get behind them."
Mr. Finger concluded, "Consumers now truly have multiple credit options to choose from. Rather than the sinister tactics of payday lenders, it's time Ohio consumers were given -- in the words of Rep. Lundy -- a 'loophole lubing' they can be proud to use."
For more information, please visit: rumpelstiltskinlending.blogspot.com
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Contact:
Rolland Finger
Chief Executive Officer
Rumpelstiltskin Lending/Center for Responsible Lending
910 17th Street NW
Suite 500
Washington, DC 20006
Ph (202) 349-1850
Bill Faith
Chief Operations Officer
Rumpelstiltskin Lending/COOHIO
175 S. Third Street
Suite 250
Columbus, OH 43215
Ph: 614-280-1984
(Note: This entire website and press release are FICTION. It is SATIRE. Neither the CRL nor COOHIO nor Bill Faith have anything to do with this product. The Rumpelstiltskin Loan is a proprietary product developed by Mr. Rolland Finger, and has been registered with the U.S. Patent Office)
